Freshman Year Reflection: the Heart and Happy Valley

Hmmm... I suppose now would be a good time to start that reflection post that I was so eager to write earlier. Funny how, now that I'm done, it seems harder to gain momentum enough to organize my thoughts on the past two semesters. I'll make no promises for brevity on this one--in fact, consider this line my apology in advance for what may be a very long entry.

I posted a note on Facebook over the summer called "If My Heart Was a House You'd Be Home" (https://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150259602626520). In it, I enumerated my hopes and goals for my freshman year of college. I made both good decisions and mistakes, as predicted. Though, I'd like to think, more of the former than the latter. :P I have changed...and there are parts of me that I have yet to tackle with the intent of changing them and still other parts which I do not intend to change and have held onto. I hope I have made a difference. When I switched schools after my freshman year in high school I made the mistake of not truly expecting to invest in other people's lives on a personal level; in going off to college I made up my mind to be intentional about making and building relationships. And I have done so--of course I'm not perfect and have fallen short in friendships (see two posts ago!), but I have been intentional about being a part of other's lives. Many of my friendships surprised even me as they grew quickly into some of the most important relationships in my life...friends I have met only months ago are now integral to my life, as I turn to them for laughter, for advice, for support, for fellowship, for companionship. Two of my teachers in particular challenged me as a writer, one for a comparative literature course in the fall and one for English 030 in the spring. My knowledge of psychology is (and forever will be) far from infinite, but I have learned an array of fascinating facts and phenomena through two psychology courses and indirectly through communication and human development courses. In my FB note I also stated, " I want to learn more about how to love, how to be loved, and how to share God's love with a world that so desperately needs to feel that love." This is surely an ongoing process, one I don't want to ever finish. But yes, I do believe I have made strides, or maybe more accurately steps, in the direction of better giving, accepting, and sharing love. This has been inextricably linked to the lovely new friends I referenced above, as well as to my relationships with "old" friends and family. I have taken risks for love this year, and I have also begun to better care for the house that is my heart. A couple of my new friends have seen rooms in disarray and have helped me to maintain my heart, and a few have come through the front door to my heart and already left. (Perhaps to return someday, perhaps not. My open-door policy analogy remains.) I even think I've been invited inside the heart-homes of others, a joy that may well be unequaled by anything else in the realm of relationships.
In closing the note, I exclaimed that I could not wait to learn and to love, and I have definitely both learned and loved! So, on the deep level of what is truly important (aside from GPA and credits accumulated), my freshman year can be considered a resounding success.

Ah, what an adventure this first year of college has been! In some ways, I do feel older and more experienced in this thing called life. In other ways, I feel as much a little kid in need of guidance and direction as I did before I left. My parents are embracing this transitional stage of life exceptionally well, and I cannot thank them enough for their simultaneous generous support and freedom--though I will endeavor to continue to thank them! I could rant about how much they mean to me, how well they have handled this and are handling me, but I'm not convinced that words would do justice. It must suffice to say I am extremely grateful. I hesitate to say what I want to say next, but I'll add a disclaimer first: I know the change of going away to college is a very difficult one for most people, riddled with tough questions and even tougher adjustments. I have watched friends dive into college headfirst and then hit obstacles, I have seen friends cautiously dip their toes in the water and slowly wade in, etc.--everyone has their own style of approaching such a major life change. I'm not sure what approach I took, and if forced to describe my technique I think the closest approximation would be a dizzying balancing act between diving in too fast and trying to stay close enough to the shore. Whatever the case, I transitioned well. There were bumps along the way--problems I didn't expect to need to confront, setbacks I didn't anticipate encountering--but I am no worse for the wear. On the contrary, I feel better for it.
To quote a friend, upon packing up to come back to Hershey and live in my family's home for the summer, I thought to myself, "Am I leaving home or coming home?" It's an odd thing, to feel that you've bonded to a geographical location. [Heads up, here comes a tangent.] You know how the verbs saber and conocer in Spanish differ in meaning/usage? Well, you use one for facts and information that you know (saber) and one for people and places that you know (conocer). It always struck me as a little funny that you could know a place personally enough to consider it alongside people that you know. Like, "State College, I was pleased to meet you!" Or, "I was fortunate to make the acquaintance of the lovely State College this past year." Yeah, that seems a bit weird. Although the wording is strange, both of those statements are pretty true. Of course it isn't the innate qualities of the town that give me a warm fuzzy feeling inside, but it's the combination of the friends and memories I have made there, the way the sun shines through the trees, the pathways I've walked around campus, the flowers I've watched die and bloom again, the whole process of getting to know the area (which is definitely not yet complete!). But I'll miss Happy Valley, I know that.

In the past two semesters I have witnessed a devastating scandal involving individuals affiliated with my university, and also the power of hope and light to overcome darkness when people join together in solidarity to stand for what is right and in support of those who have been wronged (or even allegedly wronged, to be politically/legally correct here). I have witnessed the astounding success of another year of THON, a beacon of strength and hope for families affected by cancer that continues to shine brighter and brighter year after year, despite--and perhaps to spite-- the evils of disease and darkness in this world. I have witnessed great growth in the perspective and personal lives of friends. I have witnessed my family learn together and continue to strengthen bonds with each other. I have witnessed the foundations being built, and built upon, for what I believe will be friendships that will remain important to me for the rest of my life. I have witnessed the pervasive work of God through any and all circumstances, and in my own heart and life. And still more. :)

In the fall when I return to State College, it will be with even more excitement than I had last fall. And, I'm fairly certain, much less anxiety. No matter what the year ahead holds, I have a community there. I know people. :P I have my friends, Navs, and New Hope Church, and I will look forward to having those experiences with community again.
I cannot successfully convey my contentment with my decision to attend Penn State. For a million reasons, I made the right decision, or better yet, God led me/placed me/has used me there. The people I've met have been the best part of the journey thus far!
I'm going to be present wherever I am this summer. I am going to enjoy this summer, and I have a list of goals for the summer ranging from books to read to personal growth (and beginning with a certain achievement about which those closer to me know!). I am already loving being able to spend time with my family and my dog, and can't wait to catch up with some friends from high school.
So I do not plan to overlook or wish away this summer, not at all! But when the fall season rolls around again, I will look forward to transitioning once more. And, the whole point of post--my first year of college was as incredible and growth-inspiring as is humanly possible, and I can't say thank you to God, my family, and my friends enough for the fact that they are largely what makes that statement true.