1 year too long

How do you love someone after they've left you? How do you remember someone who has done both wonderful and terrible things to your heart? How do you ask the same God for comfort who allowed the pain? 

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. And yet, I'm doing it, I'm doing all of it. And I'm not alone.

I remember what it felt like to hold her hand, her short fingers smushed between my long ones. I remember the sound of her voice calling me "sistah." I remember moments of calm and joy and moments of panic and hopelessness. And I don't want to forget. 

Mag, it's been 1 year too long without you here. You should be here. And I love you still. 

Come, Jesus, come.