&&&&&&&
The living room looks so empty now, and your mom's car by comparison hardly has an inch to spare. I knew it would be sad, watching you both leave, even as I am excited for you in the new chapters you each are beginning. As I scrub and paint, I reflect on the past year and feel both happy and sad. Happy to have known you, sad to see you move on. Happy to welcome new friends into this home, sad for your absence here. A year filled with so many moments with you both. The time I tried to walk home with a heavy test kit and it was dark and I was tired and you drove to pick me up. The night we drank wine every time Hermione saved the day. The weekend days filled with homework and cooking and cleaning, and also the ones filled with visits from friends and family. What a blessing it has been to share a space with you.
&&&&&&&
You surprise me, even though this isn't my surprise party. As you watch me open my gifts in the parking lot- a soft fuzzy blanket and word board- I can't help but smile so wide at how well you know me. I'll miss you as you adventure and study by sunny beaches, and I'm touched by the way you planned ahead. I'm so proud of the man you are.
&&&&&&&
The smell of campfire-roasted-marshmallows makes me feel excited and relaxed, like I've really celebrated the season of summer. I'm so happy you invited us to join you for this short-notice night in nature. I love the way you squish us tight in your hugs, the way you make time for fun, and the way you work hard to make a home away from home for your family. As I watch the red and orange flames dance in the cool evening breeze, I take a deep breath and try to freeze this moment in my mind. If I could look back in time through past summer memories, I bet there would be a lot of moments just like this with you, in campgrounds and backyards and kitchens and living rooms. I'm so glad there will be more to come.
&&&&&&&
As I read your text, my eyes well up because my joy is spilling over. You've never been this way before, so giddy for me, with me. To be fair, it's never been this good and this right, either. I love that you love him. Your words are a confirmation of what I know to be true, that this is unlike anything I've known before, that he is unlike anyone I've known before. I thrill in your open arms and open heart to this new normal. What a sweet new normal this is, with new definitions of "us" and "we" and "family" on the horizon.
&&&&&&&
Something doesn't seem quite right, and though I can't put my finger on it, the nervous feeling in my chest won't let me stay at home. I tell you, rather than ask; I'm coming over. I put my toes in the grass next to you and we chat. As the sun makes its way down through the sky you open up to me. I'm glad that I came. You are strong and beautiful and you make me feel less alone. I hope I do the same for you. I can't help feeling as I leave that perhaps I needed this time as much as you did. Too much time to be still and too little time to be still culminate in this evening good for both of us, company for you and a pause for me.
&&&&&&&
Bright lights and fireworks and professional dancers and an international icon and 60,000 other people steal my attention, but I'm noticing you. You who give so generously, standing beside me in a t-shirt I picked out, smiling as you watch me scream-sing every word. You know how much this means to me and you document the moments one by one. I try not to step on the five gluten-free cookies you bought me for dinner before we found the hamburger stand, and I try to remember this night. I'm grateful for the lengths you go to make me happy, to give me good things, to spend time with me.
&&&&&&&
You help us to lay out the blanket that you brought and we all sit down to eat. What a view, with the sun slowly sinking over the green mountains. The cover/tribute band rocks out just loudly enough behind our conversation. You make me feel so glad I ventured out tonight for this perfect weather and good food. Over fresh squeezed lemonade and still-hot fries we relax into what's left of our summer. I know that when classes start and we are all busy and I'm tempted to skip fun times like these, you'll be there to push me to come anyways. When those days come again, remind me how we feel in this moment.
