Women, Water Painting, and Wonder

My weekend was amazing. I feel so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by such a great community! This weekend was women's weekend with the Navigators here at Penn State, and it was a super wonderful experience. :) I'm not sure that words can do justice to all the thoughts swirling in my head, but I'll do my best to place a snapshot on here. (Yes, that was a mixed metaphor, I use them often).
For the first time, that I can remember, this was a retreat at which a deep message about surrendering sin and brokenness to God was more encouraging than it was convicting for me. Yes, I was "convicted" of things, as should probably usually occur whenever I draw near to some One who is perfect. But my biggest, overwhelming feeling was not conviction, but rather encouragement. I felt full of hope, freedom, contentment, confidence, strength, and peace. Because while I have a long journey ahead in order to work through some things in my life, I have begun that journey. Surrendering to God is something I am working on, daily, and while I'm not perfect, I am beginning to learn how to let Him take it--let Him take me. And it's lovely.
The only times I ever really win are when I give up, when I look around and see that I can't fight all of the darkness in this world and realize that my only choice is surrender. But in surrender lies another choice--to whom, to what, will I surrender? There is more than one option here. I am choosing God. I am choosing to surrender to Him, so that this year will not be the year that I am finally put together and have everything under control, but that this year will be the year that I am finally learning to let God take it all, to live in His freedom and trust that He has a plan and HE really does have everything under control.
I know this sounds horribly optimistic, and it is. I know I'll still mess up, fall down, and fail disastrously before my time here on earth is up. But it's okay, it's all going to be okay. Because the God who can not be defeated by death, the God who could not be held captive by the grave, the God whose love is stronger than any force underneath, upon, or over the earth--that God!--is the One who desperately wants my heart. That just blows my mind. When I allow that to sink in, it makes me giddy. It makes the darkness seem laughable. It makes captivity appear the shadow that it really is. The world, more specifically Satan in the world, tries to shut out all of this light-bringing truth, this brilliant and unrelenting love that ushers in hope and freedom. Because the instant we let the light touch our hearts and embrace it, darkness has no place. We begin to really live. I'll bet Satan is terrified of me, and many others who experienced similar reminders this weekend, right now. :)
Ah, Light. You are so welcome to come illuminate my heart, my life. Facing and walking through the darkness is scary...and dealing with the things that hold me back from all the wonderfulness is anything but easy. But it's so worth it. I'm not alone, YOU'RE not alone, because we have each other and better yet we have Light Himself. There are so many thoughts I have from this weekend, but realize this:

Like in the water painting I attempted to create yesterday, above the rough sand, above the waves tossing to and fro, violently churning and overturning is something even more relentless--and that is Light. The Son continues to shine, spreading warmth, and with Him comes little birds of hope that never stop singing. So look, and listen, and breathe. And let the Light into your heart, let it bring hope and freedom and wonder. :)