A Look at Leaves and Life

I was frustrated with myself. No matter how hard I tried to be a better person, it seemed I was repeatedly making mistakes and falling short. I was trying to accept grace, from God and from others, but I couldn't seem to accept myself with so many flaws. The smallest oversights were beginning to gnaw away at my conscience, and my self-criticism was excessive. It was with these thoughts in mind that I set off on an afternoon walk with my dog Gracie today.

As soon as I stepped outside, I was struck by the brilliance of the sunshine, the coolness of the breeze, and the beauty of the vibrantly colored plants lining both sides of the road. I started to take deeper breaths and to smile, for no real reason other than enjoying the sights and sounds of the nature surrounding me. The further I walked the more I realized how negative a view I have had the past few days. How critical I have been of myself, refusing to rest in the fact that like all of the beauty around me, I was designed and created by an intelligent and loving God.

Positive thoughts started to flood into my mind... I was created, not an accident. I am flawed, yes, but I was designed by the same God who designed the trees and flowers I was stopping to take pictures of! Although I can't see why He would create me with the ability to make mistakes and hurt others, He must have a reason; my current state has surely not exempted me from His master plan. I am like a small tree, which has yet to grow into all it was designed to be. But there is no shame in growth...and a small tree is no less valuable because it has not yet become all that it was made to become. Some things just take time.
As I looked around at the trees, their beauty captivated me. No single tree was perfect. Some were bent at odd angles, some had dying leaves. But together, the trees created a canopy of sorts over the road. As the light streamed through their branches, the sunshine caught differently on each leaf, casting a kaleidoscope of light and dark shapes on the road below.

It was this kaleidoscope from the leaves that lent me some much needed perspective on life. I was never meant to reflect all of God's character in and of myself. Yes, I am meant to be a picture of Him, to reflect pieces of His heart, to love with His love and to hold His light within myself like a jar of clay, that through me, others may see Him. But never can I fully represent Him. I am not His mirror, I am one piece in a grand masterpiece of all creation, which is His glory. He designed me, and all of us, in our human frailty that TOGETHER we might make a full picture of His goodness. We are meant for communal beauty, for a group portrait. The places where I am bent, where my leaves are not in full bloom, that's where the other trees in the forest, those around me, are meant to complete the picture.



Should I stop growing and blooming? Certainly not. But I can stop fretting about my incomplete beauty. The pressure is off for me to be a perfect picture of all of God's goodness. Let me focus on those aspects of myself that God has designed to reflect Himself, to soak up the sun and the rain to grow those parts of myself that are not yet all I was designed to be, and to release myself from the responsibility to be the whole forest. What is the saying, sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees? I have been too focused on my own tree, unable to appreciate the beauty of my part in the forest around me.

Have you ever put pressure on yourself to be perfect? Do you have unrealistic expectations of yourself? Of those around you?
Take a deep breath, and look at the trees, look at the forest. Watch how the sunlight catches on their leaves, and how together, they are a breathtaking testament to the goodness of God. May we acknowledge God's design... His design that we might collectively reflect the beauty of who He is.

Sunshine and Sharing: Living in the Light

This past weekend was filled with encouragement for me. I went to a small cabin/house with a bunch of girls from Penn State Navigators, and had an incredible time at "women's weekend." This time was incredible for me because it felt real; not only did I feel loved, accepted, and encouraged by the women I was with, but I also felt challenged, and perhaps even more importantly, I felt that they were being honest with me, and that it was safe to be honest with them. This is the essence of fellowship, and how community should be!! :)

The theme for the weekend was "Into the light," and we talked about how God brings us from darkness into light. We looked a lot at who God is (He is light!) and who we are in Him (children of light!). I am finding that I can never be reminded too often of God's character and of my identity in Him--it's absolutely vital for my every day life to bear these things in mind. 

Beyond reminders of important truths, I also feel I learned and experienced new things. The following analogy stood out to me, as I processed in a new way the power of Christ in me:

We are like candles, and God lights a flame in us. Even as Satan tries his hardest to extinguish this flame, the best he can do is attempt to deceive us, concealing the flame. He cannot put it out, because although he comes to kill, steal, and destroy, it is not his flame to take. No matter how occluded, the flame of Christ remains in us. 

This analogy reminds me of a really neat moment I had with God this past week. The sun was shining here in Happy Valley (only a recent occurrence, after several months of rather dismal looking skies). I found myself with some extra time between two meetings, and so I decided to journal on a bench in the sunshine. As I journaled, I noticed the sun behind some clouds. It was pretty, but also a bit chilly, as the clouds blocked the direct sunlight from hitting my bench (see picture 1 below!). Shortly thereafter, the clouds drifted away from the sun, and I was nearly blinded when I tried to take a picture of it as it covered me in sudden warmth (see picture 2 below!). From these moments of watching the sun and clouds, an analogy of my walk with God came to me. At times, my sin acts like clouds and covers up the brightness of God in my life. Although He has not moved, He feels distant because the clouds of sin block His warmth from reaching me. They cannot fully cover His presence, only try to dim it, as He shines out from behind the clouds and by His light I see my surroundings. He is always shining, always present. But when I leave behind my sin, the clouds fade away and I better receive His warmth and feel His presence!

In both of these analogies, God is light :) All throughout scripture He is called, and calls Himself, light. My current personal favorite verses (Ephesians 5:8, 14b) on this subject read: "For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light...'Wake up, sleeper,

    rise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.'”

In hearing the stories of women who chose to be vulnerable and share how God has brought them from darkness into life, I was challenged to live as a child of light. In their love and understanding of my own darkness, I felt filled with strength and hope that, in the power of Christ, I CAN live as a child of the light. I can choose daily to walk toward the light and to trust that God is always present, and that I have His light shining in me.

To tack on one last point to this haphazardly organized entry, share your stories of darkness and light with others. As powerful as the verses and lessons I heard this weekend were, what had the most profound impact on me was to hear the personal stories of other women. To hear their accounts of how God has redeemed dark situations, events, and sin in their lives and brought them into light was so encouraging! I cannot explain to you how incredible it felt to share with a small group of those women the darkness I have experienced in my own life. It was incredible because they understood, and treated me with grace and no judgement. Several of them have stories of darkness just like mine, and I know that the same God is bringing all of us into the light, no matter what our own darkness looks like.

Look for the ways that God wants to usher you into the light, and use whatever darkness you experience to bring you closer to Him. What Satan intends to use to separate you from God, simply cannot. Look at the evidence of light all around you...in nature, in the stories of others, in your story. Know that He is light, and you are His. Let us live as children of light in the Lord! :) 

Heaven's Heart and Hope's Restart

"A second chance is Heaven's heart" --Second Chance, Rend Collective Experiment. 

And thank God that these words are true. 

The words to this song are so powerful and so very relevant to what I have to say, I'll post them all here:

  

My future hangs on this
You make preciousness from dust
Please don't stop creating me

Your blood offers the chance
To rewind to innocence
Reborn, perfect as a child

CHORUS:
Oh Your cross, it changes everything
There my world begins again with You
Oh Your cross, it's where my hope restarts
A second chance is Heaven's heart

When sin and ugliness
Collide with redemption's kiss
Beauty awakens by romance

Always inside this mess
I have found forgiveness
Mercy as infinite as You

(Chorus)

BRIDGE:
Countless second chances
We've been given at the cross
Countless second chances
We've been given at the cross

Fragments of brokenness
Salvaged by the art of grace
You craft life from our mistakes

Black skies of my regrets
Outshone by this kindness
New life dawns over my soul

(Chorus)
(Chorus)
(Bridge)

I've loved this band, and their art of singing the words of God so beautifully, for a while now. But the words of this song are what I feel I am experiencing now. I am watching God salvage brokenness, and craft life from mistakes, outshining regrets with new life. I am seeing this in my life, and in lives of friends around me. Over the past month or so, I have begun to pray those more daring prayers. Ones that blatantly ask God to give me strength I know I don't have, prayers for miracles, for unexplained goodness, for Him to show me His power. And He has been answering! 

For a long time I have been battling recurring sins in my life. Some of them are "common," like worrying instead of trusting God, or like putting silly things before spending time with Him. Others are not the kind you casually throw out as prayer requests at the close of your bible study meeting, like having lustful thoughts, or like going back to unhealthy habits. Now I do understand that as humans, we all struggle to differing degrees with very similar issues throughout our lives, and that even as Christian humans, we are promised difficulty in obeying God. To follow God is a lifelong journey, and to surrender to Him is a daily effort--I believe these things with all my heart. 

In my Navs bible study recently, we read the passage where Jesus is praying in the garden just before his arrest, and his disciples have fallen asleep. An element of this story stood out to me this time that I hadn't processed before. Jesus both expected His disciples to be awake, like He commanded them to be, AND understood their humanness and weakness to obey His command. He says, "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak" (Mark 14:38). He acknowledges that they will be tempted, and that their bodies are weak. His words to them later in this passage make it clear that they were supposed to have stayed awake, and that He's disappointed they didn't watch and pray. Yet He doesn't give up on them... just a few hours later, He is letting Himself be carted off to trial, eventually to be hung on the cross. And He is doing it for them, for us all. Jesus simultaneously understands our humanity, and expects more of our spirits. And this understanding/expectation for us revolves completely around what He did for us on the cross.

In my own strength, I have no hope of overcoming the sins of my past and of walking in freedom. But because of the cross, because of God's heart for redemption, I am more than just a human heart inside a weak body. I have a spirit, and I have HIS spirit, and it is because of the presence of His spirit in me that He can expect more of me. That He is justified in calling me to surrender the sin in my life to Him, to flee the darkness and embrace the light. 

And so I have hope. And I can walk in freedom. And I can choose to chase light. Christ has called me to be ready to give an account for this hope that I have within me (1 Peter 3:15), and so here is my account. This post is a bit more personal and open than others of mine have been, and hopefully that's okay. None of us are blameless, until we are covered by His grace. I've written about grace and about shame in past posts, and I am taking steps towards letting grace win out over shame in my life. I am a sinner and I am redeemed, and I'm not afraid to admit either part of that, because the first half says that I need God's love, and the second half says that He does indeed love me! 

I am finding that as I struggle with these sins in my life, God is so much greater!! For so long I have felt trapped, and I am just beginning to feel the freedom that comes with His second chances. I have always read the verses about being a new creation, and living free, and offering our whole selves as sacrifices. And I have believed them and even tried to live them, but I have not claimed them and relied on them the way that I am learning to do now. I used to wonder why God has allowed me to struggle with lust and other sins, but now I am starting to see the beauty He is bringing out of these struggles. Beyond the amazing fact that He has used and is using my story to encourage others in their own struggles, He is using every step of this journey to teach me more about Himself. The days where I ignore the cross and don’t trust in the second chances He is offering me, I miss all the incredible ways God is just waiting to bless me. Those days I feel weak and I mess up, and those days still happen sometimes. But the days where I focus on God and spend time with Him, I realize all the ways He wants to use me and give me the strength that I need to follow His commands. God has not only redeemed me as a person, but has redeemed my experiences with sin to bring me closer to Him and to encourage others. The amazing part of grace is that it takes what was once a source of shame and transforms it into evidence of the work of Christ. The lust, the fear, the selfishness, the pride, and any other sin, become an avenue through which God reveals His power to work in us. I am watching Him clearly bring life from sin that is meant to bring death, and it’s amazing.

My future hangs on the promise that God will continue to create me, making "preciousness from dust." Some days I will be weak, and will fall short of His commands, just like the disciples who fell asleep that night. But like the disciples, I will be given second chances. And just as Jesus valued those men and died to be their Savior, He values me and died for me, too. 

The point of making this public and posting it for (hypothetically) anyone to see: All of this can be true for you, as well. On that cross, Jesus died for all of us. 

Let the account of the hope I have within me become yours, too. Claim those second chances. Surrender to the confusing, messy, beautiful, unfair, life-giving, freeing, unmerited love of God for you. Join me in praying those bold prayers, in relying on Him to answer. Let your hope restart because of Jesus' love, displayed by the second chances He gave us through the cross. Yes, God expects much of us, and calls us to high standards (which lead us to fuller, richer, deeper lives). But He gives us the Holy Spirit and the freedom to follow Him because He defeated death on that cross as well. Let us not be discouraged by His great expectations, but remember Heaven's heart for second chances. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQRaxELspKg 

Stars, Stripes, and Scars

No, this post doesn't have anything to do with being American, the recent election, or my concerns for our country (though those are all post-worthy, I'm sure). Actually, this post has to do with shame.

Stars. They are what we are awarded for our successes on school papers, it is a name for someone who is popularly successful, they denote worth or achievement or, in the sense of the natural stars, beauty and wonder and even science.
Stripes. Stripes represent a pattern. When it's said that a zebra can't change his stripes, it means that this pattern he displays literally defines him and is beyond his control to change.
Scars. I think everyone knows what scars are, all too well. Whether physical or emotional, they tell the story of pain we have felt in the past, they bear testament to some injury we have suffered.

Shame is a tricky thing. Really, it tricks us. It tricks us into believing lies that otherwise would seem ridiculous and outlandish. Lies like "you're a failure," "you're worthless," "you don't deserve to be cared for," "you can't ask for help," "you're all alone," etc. Perhaps the biggest and most tricky lie that shame sells us is that things will always be the way they have been before. Shame tells us that in our pattern of accruing scars instead of stars, we have no hope of ever breaking free of that pattern, that we will always feel the way we feel now, do the things we do now, think and believe and live the way that we do now, or have in the past.

But those are all lies. (We're not zebras.)

The truth is that our failures do not define our worth. The truth is that we are surrounded by people who passionately care for us regardless of whether or not we deserve it. The truth is that we can ask for help, we can change, and things don't always have to be this way, or the way they were before.
Saying no to the lies that shame sells and saying yes the truths above takes risk. Taking heart, hope, faith---they're all a risk. Risky, not tricky. If we take a chance and hope, there is the potential to be let down. Aren't we down already, when we're living in shame? There's also a chance that we'll hope, and that those truths will turn out to be really true... and we'll be free and we'll have worth and shame will lose its grip.
Isn't that a risk worth taking?

You see, God knew what He was getting Himself into. He knows the depths of our hearts, and He loves us the same... that's why He's amazing. He delights in being our Savior. The God who sends mercy and goodness chasing after you all of the days of your life, the God who crafted you with intention and declared His work "good," is not put off by your shame. He is not ashamed of you, or of your need, rather He draws you to Himself, because He is the fulfillment of your need.
If you were strong enough to always believe in the truth, if you were ever convinced of your own worth apart from Him, then they wouldn't call it faith. If it wasn't absolutely vital to your well-being, then a relationship with Him wouldn't change your life.
But it is, and it does. And He loves that we need Him, because it brings us close to Him, and because HE LOVES US.
The ultimate condemnation for shame in a hypothetical court is that love. Shame claims all those things about us, but it has no case when we present God's love for us... the lies shame tells us cannot be true when we consider the nature of God's love. Unconditional. Neverending. Death-conquering. Healing. Life-bringing. Sin-expelling. Goodness-bringing. Soul-rescuing. Person-redeeming. The kind of love that clothes us in His righteousness and carries us to the table of the Most High. We have never been alone. He has been present since before we began to breathe and has been present throughout every struggle. He is present with you now, in this moment, and He has promised to always be present for all of eternity. That's a big promise, with giant implications.

Shame traps, truth frees. Shame is powerful. But where is the power of darkness when confronted with the light? One small candle can be seen for miles; imagine how God's truth can illuminate the darkness inside of you. Shame tries to keep us down, and it often succeeds. But don't stay down, my dear. Yes, shame is powerful. But shame cannot even begin to approach the power of that unconditional, neverending, death-conquering, life-bring, soul-rescuing, person-redeeming love with which GOD LOVES YOU.

Shame is a lie, and the truth is we are free, we are loved. I am free and loved. You are free and loved. Sometimes we must fight to believe the truth, we must push through the darkness and pray desperately for the truth to invade. Let us rest in this: there is nothing, including shame, that can ever separate us from the love of God that we have through Christ Jesus. <3

The Rhythm of Grace and Hugging the Ocean

I'm learning about grace.
I grew up with some understanding of the concept of grace, long able to recite the Sunday school answer for the difference between grace and mercy; mercy is being exempted from what one does deserve, and grace is being given what one does not deserve. (Namely, God's mercy saves us from eternal death, and His grace invites us to eternal life). But I'm finding that the depth of my understanding of grace has been lacking.
I know what grace is, sure, but how does it look for me to rest in God's grace for me? If I'm drowning in the ocean of God's grace, how should that affect how I think and act towards myself and towards others?
Like much of life with Christ, embracing His character and centering on some truth about His stance towards me has implications for countless daily goings-on. Grace is no exception.
Grace's response is often counter-intuitive for me. And I'm beginning to think maybe for all humans.
We seem to have this natural inclination to want to be punished when we've done something wrong, and when we're offered grace instead of condemnation, we have a remarkably difficult time foregoing self-punishment. Because we feel that what we deserve is the shame, hardship, and pain that our bad decision or failure merits.
But what we miss is the beauty that life with Christ isn't fair. And that that's a good thing. A really good, redemptive thing.
When we're honest with ourselves, all of our grandest schemes for bettering ourselves cause us to fall flat on our faces, discouraged and still full of failures. There exists these paradigm-like truths about personal growth and change with Christ in the picture, and they go like this: Until we can accept that we are loved exactly as we are, we have a hard time changing anything about ourselves. The best impetus for change within ourselves is not a deeply rooted dissatisfaction with our current state, however propelling that may be at times, but rather a passionate desire for what we see may lie ahead for us, and an unshakable hope that that future state is not beyond our reach.

"Grace, only grace, can move us to a rhythm that will change our ways." (Grace, Tenth Avenue North)

Like TAN's song so elegantly puts it, only grace really helps us to change. When I attempt to defeat myself, I am hindering the work of Him who is championing for my success. When I refuse the love of Him who has no business loving me, but does anyway, I'm being a fool... I'm turning from the one thing my heart truly longs for--the unconditional, forever kind of love. Only this love, so unaffected by whether or not I deserve it, is the kind that I can rely on, the kind that can change me from the inside out.
I'm still figuring out what living in grace looks like, practically. It requires a lot of surrender, and a lot of re-thinking about things. It requires the subtle shift from working on myself, to opening myself to the work that God is doing in me. I want to make new habits, let go of some things that don't belong in my life, and add and develop some things that I believe do belong here. God calls me to holiness, calls me to living like Him. But He doesn't do so without a promise to be my strength, and my hope, and fulfillment.

Grace is so wonderfully difficult, a bit like trying to hug the ocean. We cannot portion out bits of grace for ourselves, here and there when we feel we have earned it. That's not how it works. He just lavishes it out onto us, when we least deserve it and when we feel we've been good, all the same. If I've doled it out for myself, then it isn't grace. Grace is His to give, and any grace we are able to give to each other flows out of the grace we have received and are receiving from Him. There's just too much of grace for me to contain it and control it. You can't give the ocean a leisurely hug. You'd just get soaked, and pulled in by the tide, and possibly knocked off of your feet. Because that's how grace does work. It's overwhelming, and constantly flowing, and messy, and it rises to meet you again and again.

Gold Medals and Silver Linings

Last Sunday at Hershey Free Church I heard a really powerful analogy from Pastor Kevin Dixon. It challenged me, and has been stuck in my mind ever since. It aligns well with what I feel God has been trying to show me lately, and so I wanted to share it here, in my own words. 

Living life in a relationship with God is like recording the Olympics and watching them after you have heard who won the gold medal. Think about it... When you already knew who was going to win in the end, it took the stress out of watching the Olympics. With every faltering step, every glitchy landing, every missed point, you didn't freak out because you knew who would win anyways. Knowing how things end changes the way we watch, or at least it should. It would be ridiculous to wring our hands and get worked up over one lost point when we know that at the end of the game the U.S. would walk away with a ten point lead. 

In life, we know the ending. In the end, God wins. He wins it all. [Phil. 2:10] And so this should change the way we watch our lives and the lives of those around us unfold. Knowing the ending should change the way we watch the now. [John 16:33] Because every trial and loss we face, every storm with dark clouds that obscures our view of the light at the end of the tunnel, are nothing compared to the glory we will see as God redeems us, and the glory we will share when we join Him in Heaven one day! [1 Cor. 13:12] Life is painful and the problems we face are real. But they are overshadowed. Every menacing storm cloud is given a silver lining. It's like the typical love story of overcoming the odds to be together--though the challenges were there, they pale in importance next to the ending of joy. [Romans 8:18] We should not wring our hands in anxiety or give in to debilitating fear. [Matthew 6:25-33] Why? We know that God wins, but why does this set us free from fear and free to live joyfully and securely? Because the same God who wins is the God who died to draw us near.[John 3:16, Luke 19:10] This God who wins it all is the God who loves us more than we can comprehend, who sends goodness and mercy to chase us after us, who cherishes us, and who has great plans for us. [Romans 8:37-39, Psalm 23:6, 2 Peter 3:9, Jeremiah 29:11] 

No matter what my present looks like, I know that my God who has promised to return and take me with Him for eternity, will indeed return and do what He has promised! This promise, coupled with His promise to love me and let nothing separate us, should change everything. There is no room for fear in my life when I live in His great love for me, a love so powerful that He conquers even death. :) [Acts 2:24]

I know this post hasn't been eloquent or all-inclusive. I hope that as you read this, you are reminded that you have no need to fear. The God who wins in the end is the God who loves you, the God who is with you even now. :)

~"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."1 John 4:18 <3 ~

Tents, Tears, and Testimonies

I have been wanting to write and share my thoughts since I came home from Creation, but the time in between then and now just means I will just have even more to share! :P

Two times in the last month hearing the gospel has brought me to tears. And I'm glad... God is showing me more and more of who He is. He is opening my eyes to what it means to love Him and be loved by Him. I've always known that God was big, and great, and good. Known in my mind that is, but over the years I am continually impressed by how He is teaching me those things experientially as well. And no, that's not really a word :P The more I seek Him, the more I realize there is to find. Loving God and being loved by Him is this beautiful, never-ending friendship between me and Him.

It's hard to describe what God has been doing in my life. He has been reminding me and helping me to see in new ways basic truths about Him and about life. Some of these things I've known and believed for years, but just now are they beginning to seep into my heart and my mind. I want to move from knowing and believing in God to letting the truth I know and believe affect every single aspect of my life. This "God-thing" isn't one compartment of my life or of my heart, it isn't one part of who I am, it doesn't affect one piece of life... this me-and-Jesus thing IS life. The gospel, the good news that God loves me and paid the price for us to be close to each other for the rest of forever, should be central to my every thought, every action, every day. This truth, this relationship, should change how I see myself, how I see others, how I love and how I live on the deepest level possible.

While I was at Creation I started getting to know a girl, whose name I'll leave out here. She is dealing with some very real, very painful feelings and struggles. My heart breaks for her, seeing how every day involves so much hurt and so little hope. She isn't believing in the truth of who she is in Christ. It's a hard thing to do, to trust that He knows you completely, sees your gigantic need for Him, and loves you more than you can comprehend, enough to endure torture, beat death, and chase after your heart every day. Because we as humans just don't act like that, just don't love like that. It's confusing and it's overwhelming and it's mind-blowing. If someone really loved like that, it would change everything, wouldn't it?
When we begin to let Him into our hearts and our lives, it does change everything. Just like my friend, it is so hard for us to let go of the lies... maybe they are awful, but they are simple and familiar and don't require faith. Some days, I let the lies take over. I push out the Holy Spirit's voice and I turn to the lies of Satan, only to find that once again he falls short and leaves me feeling empty. But I have tasted what it's like to live in light of God's love. I know how amazing it feels to take steps in faith, trusting in His love and letting my identity in Him be my only identity. And there's no going back now.

Before and during Creation an image developed in my mind. Throughout my life I have moving towards God, my faith I know a gift from Him in and of itself. But for the past several years it's been more like stumbling towards Him. For a short while I will walk or even run, but then stumble and slowly resume the journey. This can't be a half-hearted run towards Him. Instead of slowly stumbling along, I want this to be a full-on sprint. Not because I am afraid of what is behind me, but because of how much I want what is before me. I'll still stumble and fall, but I don't want it to slow me down anymore. The greatness and complexity of God and His plan for salvation requires a full surrender from me. I have been set free from sin and there is nothing behind me that is strong enough to keep me from running towards God. In fact, He is beside me, guiding me and loving me along the way.

This post has been entirely disjointed and not articulated well, but that's okay. The title is to remind me of my main points: Tents-- it was at Creation that God re-touched my heart with the gospel and opened my eyes to truth about Him and life with Him. Tears-- to quote Tenth Avenue North, "we are free to struggle, hallelujah we aren't struggling to be free!" Testimonies-- God is at work in all of our lives, and our journeys are testimonies to His love :)
God is real, His love for you is real. He wants all of you like He wants all of me. He's complicated and He's worth everything we have to give and more. I want to run to Him, I want to dive into life with Him, and this is a public proclamation of my intentions! :)