Tents, Tears, and Testimonies

I have been wanting to write and share my thoughts since I came home from Creation, but the time in between then and now just means I will just have even more to share! :P

Two times in the last month hearing the gospel has brought me to tears. And I'm glad... God is showing me more and more of who He is. He is opening my eyes to what it means to love Him and be loved by Him. I've always known that God was big, and great, and good. Known in my mind that is, but over the years I am continually impressed by how He is teaching me those things experientially as well. And no, that's not really a word :P The more I seek Him, the more I realize there is to find. Loving God and being loved by Him is this beautiful, never-ending friendship between me and Him.

It's hard to describe what God has been doing in my life. He has been reminding me and helping me to see in new ways basic truths about Him and about life. Some of these things I've known and believed for years, but just now are they beginning to seep into my heart and my mind. I want to move from knowing and believing in God to letting the truth I know and believe affect every single aspect of my life. This "God-thing" isn't one compartment of my life or of my heart, it isn't one part of who I am, it doesn't affect one piece of life... this me-and-Jesus thing IS life. The gospel, the good news that God loves me and paid the price for us to be close to each other for the rest of forever, should be central to my every thought, every action, every day. This truth, this relationship, should change how I see myself, how I see others, how I love and how I live on the deepest level possible.

While I was at Creation I started getting to know a girl, whose name I'll leave out here. She is dealing with some very real, very painful feelings and struggles. My heart breaks for her, seeing how every day involves so much hurt and so little hope. She isn't believing in the truth of who she is in Christ. It's a hard thing to do, to trust that He knows you completely, sees your gigantic need for Him, and loves you more than you can comprehend, enough to endure torture, beat death, and chase after your heart every day. Because we as humans just don't act like that, just don't love like that. It's confusing and it's overwhelming and it's mind-blowing. If someone really loved like that, it would change everything, wouldn't it?
When we begin to let Him into our hearts and our lives, it does change everything. Just like my friend, it is so hard for us to let go of the lies... maybe they are awful, but they are simple and familiar and don't require faith. Some days, I let the lies take over. I push out the Holy Spirit's voice and I turn to the lies of Satan, only to find that once again he falls short and leaves me feeling empty. But I have tasted what it's like to live in light of God's love. I know how amazing it feels to take steps in faith, trusting in His love and letting my identity in Him be my only identity. And there's no going back now.

Before and during Creation an image developed in my mind. Throughout my life I have moving towards God, my faith I know a gift from Him in and of itself. But for the past several years it's been more like stumbling towards Him. For a short while I will walk or even run, but then stumble and slowly resume the journey. This can't be a half-hearted run towards Him. Instead of slowly stumbling along, I want this to be a full-on sprint. Not because I am afraid of what is behind me, but because of how much I want what is before me. I'll still stumble and fall, but I don't want it to slow me down anymore. The greatness and complexity of God and His plan for salvation requires a full surrender from me. I have been set free from sin and there is nothing behind me that is strong enough to keep me from running towards God. In fact, He is beside me, guiding me and loving me along the way.

This post has been entirely disjointed and not articulated well, but that's okay. The title is to remind me of my main points: Tents-- it was at Creation that God re-touched my heart with the gospel and opened my eyes to truth about Him and life with Him. Tears-- to quote Tenth Avenue North, "we are free to struggle, hallelujah we aren't struggling to be free!" Testimonies-- God is at work in all of our lives, and our journeys are testimonies to His love :)
God is real, His love for you is real. He wants all of you like He wants all of me. He's complicated and He's worth everything we have to give and more. I want to run to Him, I want to dive into life with Him, and this is a public proclamation of my intentions! :)