"I Want Crazy"

The song "I Want Crazy" by Hunter Hayes came on my favorite local country radio station (98.7) on my drive home from work last night. It's a really fun song, and even though in my last dating relationship it used to be one of "our" songs, I found myself happily singing along to every word. I love the lyrics...it talks about not wanting a love that is mediocre, but one that drives you crazy in the best way, passionate love. Obviously in any relationship, especially romantic ones, there are going to be tough times when commitment to one another, not feelings for one another, is the glue that holds the two people together. This song's declaration of that crazy, passionate kind of love reminds me of a quote I've seen on Pinterest: "Unless it's mad, passionate, or extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life; love shouldn't be one of them." While I don't agree that any love could be a waste of time, the second sentence really does resonate with me. Why bother loving if it isn't deeply, intentionally, passionately? Before my last dating relationship there was a period of time when I said that I was not going to date/become romantically involved/whatever you want to call it, unless it seemed crazy not to. This was, of course, inspired by another great song about love... Danny Gokey (who I've met, fun fact!) has a song called "Crazy Not To" that he reportedly wrote about falling in love with his wife. He sings about how he's only willing to give up the safety net of not being in love because this woman makes him feel like he would be crazy not to pursue the relationship (worded in more fun ways of course, because it's a song!). I really did stick to that particular idea, and only started dating after several months of thinking it over, when it seemed to reach a point where I would have been crazy not to go for it. And even though it ended, I do still think it was "meant to be" for the time that it was. A weird thought, maybe, but it makes sense to me. I learned so much, grew so much, etc through that relationship. There were of course ups and downs, and maybe it should have ended sooner than it did. But for the vast majority of the course of the relationship, for me it really was that crazy, passionate love. I was so in love- lose sleep to stay up late texting when he's upset, drive through a blizzard just to see him one more time before a long period of time apart, list 52 reasons I love him for a Valentine's Day present, think about him all the time- that kind of love. And I smile looking back on it, and I smile when I see other people in my life who are so obviously and wonderfully experiencing crazy love, and I think to myself "I know how they are feeling" and I'm happy. I'm happy to know what it feels like to have been crazy in love.

Everyone who knows me well at all knows that I'm a hopeless romantic and proud of it. It has been a dream/life goal of mine as long as I can remember to one day fall irretrievably in love, marry, and raise children. Although my career ambitions are also very important to me, if I had to choose between being a successful psychologist and having a family (a choice I will endeavor to never have to make), I would choose the family with no deliberation and no regrets. Of course, it's my aim to have both. ;) While these are my dreams/goals, I must say that I am thankful to have been/to be single in this current "season" of my life. To have navigated my senior year of college and the academic and personal stress involved there, the job hunt and subsequent relocation, and to navigate my current busy and somewhat unpredictable work schedule, all without affecting a significant other has been an unexpected blessing. I am an extrovert in terms of how I feel energized, which is nearly always through interpersonal interaction. I have really come to enjoy time alone, but after a few days it becomes stifling rather than restful for me. I'm not sure if this is best or not, but the most core ways that I define myself are generally in relation to others; the most important roles that I see for myself in life are those that relate to the people closest to me- daughter, sister, friend, etc. So relationships are important to me. But I recognize that right now in my life it's not only convenient to be single, but it's also a blessing. There are things I can only enjoy right now because I don't have the role of girlfriend or wife. Aside from the things I already listed, other benefits include: more time to invest in other relationships in my life like family and friends, no feeling torn when I have time off- being able to prioritize my family with no need to factor in time for a guy/in-laws, being able to pick up last minute appointments or change my hours last minute at work because the only person directly affected by my schedule most days is me, not needing to feel the financial strain of preparing for my own wedding as I start my first job but instead being able to budget for the weddings of my friends that I'll attend in the near future, being able to make travel plans last minute, going to sleep pretty much whenever I want each night with no demands on my time from a boyfriend/husband/children, no one depending on me to feed them except myself, and the list goes on. Someday, when I fall in love and a man falls in love with me and it seems crazy not to, I will happily relinquish all of these benefits and put in the work to enjoy the relationship that comes with crazy love. That's what I'm waiting for. :)

Most people in my life who are close enough to me to feel okay asking about my "relationship status" already know it, or are interested because they personally care about my happiness and know my hopes for a family someday. There are of course those few people who make the jokes or slightly insensitive comments like "so no Mrs. degree with your graduation from college?" To those people, which thankfully are very few in my life!, this blog post is all that I wish I could say in those passing moments of social interactions. Yes, I want crazy love. I want it to naturally develop out of a real friendship connection, which isn't something I can go find or manufacture or control. So I just wait, until it is God's timing to give me that gift, or maybe some other gifts instead that will be even better than what I think that I want. :) In the meantime though, I am not pining away for love lost or love not yet found. No, as I wait, I am happy (okay, giddy even) to enjoy the stories of crazy love being told all around me, whether that be in book or film, or better yet the lives of the people I care about. So here's to you, reader- I hope that you, also, experience love that is passionate, deep, and crazy in the best way. :)

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Link for Hunter Hayes "I Want Crazy" with lyrics: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WOODJ7lYi0

Link for Danny Gokey's "Crazy Not To" with lyrics in the description below: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BW-1KWnr6Q